RideCell / InnerSpace Communication Workshop

Effective Communication
Semira Rahemtulla
October 9, 2015

Who am I?
Most recently…
• Co-founder/CEO of PlayTell
Previously…
• Director, Product Mgmt @ Guidewire
(IPO 2010, $2.5B+ market cap)
• UX Designer @ Vividence
(Acq by Keynote)
• Harvard Ed.M; Stanford Computer
Science
Semira Rahemtulla
Cofounder of InnerSpace

Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]
Disclosure & Vulnerability 40 mins
Feedback & Influence, part 1 60 mins
Break 10 mins
Feedback & Influence, part 2 50 mins
Closing 10 mins
TOTAL ~3 hrs
Agenda

I will…
– Give you my best
– Take breaks
– End on time
– Send you slides & further reading
What else would be helpful for you?
Working AgreementsWorking Agreements

I ask you to…
Respect
confidentiality
Photo by Vox Efx [link]
Working Agreements

I ask you to…
Challenge yourself
Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
Working Agreements

I ask you to…
Minimize
distractions
Photo by Robert S. Donovan [link]
Working Agreements

Photo by Luz Adriana Villa [link]
I ask you to…
Wait for breaks &
Return on time
Working Agreements

I ask you to…
– Challenge yourself
– Respect confidentiality
– Minimize distractions
– Wait for breaks & return on time
Can we all commit to this?
Working AgreementsWorking Agreements

INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2
Common
IMPACT
Assumptions
Feelings
Responses
Reality #3
The Net
3 Realities (The “Net” Model)

Feelings & Emotions – Why??
Everyone feels them;
we just pretend we
don’t.
Convey crucial
information; absence
of emotion leaves
out half the story.
Emotions indicate
importance. Most
powerful motivator?
They are
an early warning
system
Feelings & Emotions – Why??

Self-Disclosure
Will I be less
liked,
respected,
influential
(leader-like)?
Is it relevant?
Will it further the
discussion – the
relationship?
Will others
use this
information
against me?
How will
others
see/assess/
judge me?
“What in
my ‘bubble’
should I
share?”
Self-Disclosure

“ VULNERABILITY IS
THE BIRTHPLACE
OF CONNECTION. ”
BRENÉ
BROWN

Working AgreementsJohari Window
OPEN/
PUBLIC
PRIVATE UNKNOWN
I know I don’t know
You
know
You
don’t
know
Reactions/Feedback
D
i
s
c
l
o
s
u
r
e
BLIND

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityWhy is Feedback Important?
1. Personal Development
2. Team Effectiveness
3. Stronger Relationships
Bottom Line: Feedback is how we grow

Photo:RobbieGrubbs
Can I give you some feedback?

Photo by State Farm [link]
Social situations ≈ Physical threats
Threat Response

Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
David Rock
What social
situations trigger
a threat response?
Status
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
SCARF Model

So… how do we communicate feedback
while minimizing defensiveness?

INTENT
Needs
Motives
Stories
Reality #1
BEHAVIOR
Verbal
Non-Verbal
Reality #2
Common
IMPACT
Feelings
Reactions
Responses
Reality #3
The Net
The Net (again)
Feedback

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityHow to Give Effective Feedback
• Focus on specific, observable behavior
When you do [x]…
• Describe the impact of that behavior on you
I feel [y]…
• Ask about the other person’s motives or
intentions
Can you tell me what’s going on for you?

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityLet’s try some examples…
1. Aarjav, you clearly don’t care about this presentation.
2. Aarjav, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. You are
clearly bored with this presentation.
3. Aarjav, I noticed that you are looking at your phone. I am
feeling anxious about whether I am doing a good job with
this presentation.

Photo by Ana Karenina [link]
1:1 Feedback

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Receiving Feedback
• Look for “Grains of Truth”
– Learning is better than being right
– Goal is understanding, not winning
• Listen and ask clarifying questions
• Acknowledge your feelings
• Gift mentality
– Say “Thank you!”

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Complimentary Feedback
• Give more!!!
• Do not praise to buffer criticism
– Avoid “The Sandwich”
• Do not praise to overcome resistance
• Avoid platitudes. Be specific:
– Weak: “Joe, you’re killing it.”
– Strong: “Joe, I’ve noticed you’ve been on time to almost
every meeting this week. I feel grateful for the extra effort.”

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilityTips for Constructive Feedback
• Assume good intent; be curious
• Use a soft start
– Emphasize mutual goals & positive intent:
My intention is…
When you do [x], I feel [y].
• Be aware of your own stress
• Goal is joint problem solving

Benefits of Self-Disclosure / VulnerabilitySuggested Topics For Feedback
• Work Product
– Timeliness, quality, quantity, focus area
• Communication & Management
– Too much/ little, choice of format, email etiquette, language
choices, communication style in front of others, transparency of
project status, hiring/firing/promotions
• Role Modeling & Presence
– What energy do you feel from this person, How do they impact
others? What do they model well? Anything you worry about?
Arrival/departure times, attire, how they speak/listen/act?

Photo by Daniel Oines [link]
Challenge Yourself

Thanks, good-bye, and stay on
your side of the net 

RideCell / InnerSpace Communication Workshop

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