![Another essential section that required some changing was the
trigger causing the lead character to exit the bus, leading up to
the eventual release of tension that has otherwise been building
up from the beginning of the previous scene. The culmination of
which being reached as a result of his surreal visions. It could
simultaneously indicate or at least point in some way towards the
reason as to why we find him in such a broken down state.
Having the character leave the bus as a result of him seen the
mysterious figure, that has been previously established, works
better as it’s a motivated decision and helps to further build this
relationship which is otherwise covered in mystery.
WITHHOLD INFROMATION
An effective scene is mostly about what it doesn’t say. You pull your
audience along by telling them just enough. Give them too much, and
they’ll be bored; give them too little, and they’ll be lost. “How do we keep
[the audience’s] attention? Certainly not by giving them more information
but, on the contrary, by withholding information — by
withholding all information except that information the absence of which
would make the progress of the story incomprehensible.” Be ruthlessly
withholding. It is, in this case, a form of generosity.
- David Mamet (taken from the book “On Directing Film”)](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/scriptdevelopment-2-220302224944/95/Script-development-version-2-4-638.jpg)
Script development - version 2
- 1. Version 2 Script Development By Adam Kalabiska A Level Media Studies
- 2. In this presentation, I will continue to outline potentially problems and necessary fixes found following the refurbishment of the draft version of my screenplay, along with an elaboration on some prior changes and improvements. The single main change made to not just the first page, but the entire screenplay as a whole is the addition of a new scene. It’s depiction of how the main character deal with a specific situation communicates a lot to the audience without using a single line of dialogue. For that reason, the scene itself is heavily focused on key elements, mainly including body language which would be captured in close-ups on the day of shooting. The placement of the camera is additionally something that will by vital when filming the scene, as that’s what in many ways builds the relationship between the viewer and the character. To be more specific, how close is the character willing to let so see their suffering and struggles, if at all. The tempo and general flow of the film remains to be an unresolved issue, as even with this scene, the transitions from one scene to another are still at risk of feeling unnatural. I’ll see if I could find some way of infusing a sort of rhythm into the narrative, mostly likely through editing and juxtaposition of shots which evoke a psychological and emotional reaction in the audience, that reflective of what the character is experiencing himself in the moment. Perhaps the feeling of scattered thoughts, like broken glass, too painful to pick up and put back together.
- 4. Another essential section that required some changing was the trigger causing the lead character to exit the bus, leading up to the eventual release of tension that has otherwise been building up from the beginning of the previous scene. The culmination of which being reached as a result of his surreal visions. It could simultaneously indicate or at least point in some way towards the reason as to why we find him in such a broken down state. Having the character leave the bus as a result of him seen the mysterious figure, that has been previously established, works better as it’s a motivated decision and helps to further build this relationship which is otherwise covered in mystery. WITHHOLD INFROMATION An effective scene is mostly about what it doesn’t say. You pull your audience along by telling them just enough. Give them too much, and they’ll be bored; give them too little, and they’ll be lost. “How do we keep [the audience’s] attention? Certainly not by giving them more information but, on the contrary, by withholding information — by withholding all information except that information the absence of which would make the progress of the story incomprehensible.” Be ruthlessly withholding. It is, in this case, a form of generosity. - David Mamet (taken from the book “On Directing Film”)