Wm Session 7 self care-ego

Session 7
Ego - Self Care
The Work Mindfulness Institute
EGO

This Presentation
1. The Self as Story
2. Building the Ego
3. Expression of the Ego
4. Beyond the Ego
OUTLINE

Exercise
1. THE SELF AS STORY
Try to explain who you are to your neighbor. You have
about two minutes to tell the other the most important
things there are to know about you.

Exercise
I’m John, 24 years old
I’m a manager
I like watching football
I have a nice house in
Denver
I am good at sports
I am extravert

Exercise
” Do these answers truly say
something about who we are?
?

The ego
”
The ego is a mental construct of our “self”.
”

Ego
The ego is:
 a mental construction
 a story we construct to define who we are
 who we believe we are

Ego
psychological synonyms:
 conceptualized self
 narrative identity
 constructivist approach of the self

A story about “me”
a daily stream of internal chatter about our experiences:
 “I’m not good at math.”
 “I am smart.”
 “My freckles make me ugly.”
 “Nobody likes me.”
 “I am better than you.”

A) we formulate our own life history:
 when I was 6, X happened
 because X happened, I became Y
 I acted because I am…

B) we define our dominant attributes
 I am a person who…
 compared to others I am…

C) evaluate our dominant attributes
 I don’t like about myself that I am…
 compared to others I am…

D) construct cause and effect relations
 this happened because I am…
 because I did X, Y happened

Exercise
Let’s consider the personal attribute “intelligence”. Raise your hand if you
believe that in order to call yourself “intelligent” is it crucial to be:
 mathematically skilled?
 verbally proficient?
 creative?

Exercise
” For many traits, such as intelligence, maturity
and idealism it is difficult to pin down
which habits, characteristics, actions,
and achievements best reflect them.
!

Exercise
Imagine you would be the only person on this planet in the universe.
 Are you tall?
 Are you smart?
 Are you handsome/pretty?

Exercise
” Nothing is absolute. Everything exists in relation to
something else. It is based on the comparisons
we make and the way we interpret things and events.
!

Identification
2. BUILDING THE EGO
” The main process that is responsible for the
construction of our “self” is identification.
!

Identification
2. BUILDING THE EGO
 identification = making the same
 latin “idem” = “same” , “facere” = “make”
 identify with something = making it the same as me
 you perceive it as an inseparable part of yourself.
 a creation of your mind/ratio

Identification Examples
2. BUILDING THE EGO
POSSESSIONS
I am rich
I wear
designer
clothes
I drive a
big car

2. BUILDING THE EGO
ACHIEVEMENTS
I got
promoted
I ran
the fastest
I created a
successful
business

2. BUILDING THE EGO
JOB
I am a doctor
I am a
manager
I am social
worker

2. BUILDING THE EGO
BELIEFS
I know a lot
I am not
somebody to
mess with
I am not good
at convincing
people

2. BUILDING THE EGO
APPEARANCE
I look good I am ugly I am attractive

Identifications
2. BUILDING THE EGO
 are highly personal
 they can change during life
 they can be positive and negative

A Metaphor
2. BUILDING THE EGO
CAR
JOB TITLE
APPEARANCE

A Metaphor
2. BUILDING THE EGO
APPEARANCE

Ego development
2. BUILDING THE EGO
EGO
parenting
media
culture
school
religion

Culture
3. EXPRESSION OF THE EGO
providing standards:
 habits (food, music, social interaction, etc.)
 standard or norms for “normal”
 standard or norms for “moral behavior”

Parenting
providing values:
 working hard
 “honorable” job
 being loyal

Parenting
offering beliefs:
 respect for the local worthies
 men are not allowed to cry

Media
providing norms:
 thin body
 money
 achievements

School
providing norms:
 intellectual abilities
 strong focus on thinking
 comparing abilities

Religion
providing norms:
 rules for being “good”
 beliefs about human beings

Ego development
2. BUILDING THE EGO
EGO
parenting
media
culture
school
religion
provide
explicit
rules
stimulate
formation
own rules
Internalization
&
identification

Outside-in focus
ego = outside-in focus:
 how do I do compared to other people?
 what should I feel right now?
 what are the norms for success?
WORLD OUTSIDE SELF
SELF

Fear
 strong identication with X: strong effects for self and
environment
 more identification with X = higher perceived importance of X
 inevitable: realization X can disappear

Fear
Example
 I can get fired or fail to succeed
 I can lose my car
 I will get older and less beautiful
FEAR

Control
 control = ego’s way to deal with fear
 examples:
 appearance: plastic surgery
 possessions: insurance, camera’s, etc.
 emotions: suppress

Wanting more
If X determines “I”, then more X = stronger “I”
 more money = richer “I”
 more beautiful = more attractive “I”
 more achievements = more successful “I”

Wanting more
adding something to the ego:
 guarantees not being less than I am now
 more favorable comparison to others
 strengthens positive or negative ego

Jealousy
 if part of ego is threatened : jealousy
 jealousy occurs when the object of jealousy
concerns our self-definition
 can increase motivation to protect or boost ego

Jealousy
example
 ego: “I am a musician”
 scenario 1: friend becomes successful dancer
 scenario 2: friend creates number 1 hit
BASKING IN REFLECTED
GLORY
JEALOUSY

Exercise
 Can you remember the last time you were jealous?
 Who and what were you jealous of?
 Can you see what it is (a role, a status, a characteristic etc.) that
you identify with that caused you to resonate with the
accomplishment or situation of the other person?

Defensive behavior
 ego = very sensitive to criticism
 negative feedback on ego aspect = attack ego
 difficult distinguishing feedback about aspect from self

Defensive behavior
I WRITE BOOKS
REALITY EGO PERCEPTION
I AM A WRITER
REVIEWER:
HIS BOOK IS NO GOOD
I AM NOT GOOD

Judgment
 many judgments reflect personal identifications
 labeling things based on what they say about “me”
”

Important note
4. BEYOND THE EGO
” Having a nice car or not, being attractive or not attractive,
accomplishing or not accomplishing things is not problematic.
It is believing the story in the head that tells you that these
things are who you are that is problematic.
!

Mindfulness
4. BEYOND THE EGO
 observing versus believing self-stories
 connecting to a sense of self beyond form
 connecting to a dynamic self beyond fixed stories

Outside-in focus
4. BEYOND THE EGO
Mindfulness = inside-out focus:
 what do I feel is important in life?
 what do I feel?
 what means success to me?
WORLD OUTSIDE SELF
SELF

A Metaphor
4. BEYOND THE EGO
APPEARANCE

Wm Session 7 self care-ego

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