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This document outlines an upcoming communication workshop. It will cover communication basics, how words are powerful yet often misused, and ways to manage communication "slips". The workshop will examine factors like gender differences in language use and nonverbal communication. It will suggest being mindful of promises, apologies and politeness in speech. Attendees will discuss examining their own word choices and commitments to more effective communication.
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- 1. How words you use, and the way you choose to communicate convey more than you want… M.E. Yancosek Gamble, Bethany College Department of Communications and Media Arts megamble@bethanywv.edu
- 2. Overview of the Session 3:05 – 3: 20 Communication basics 3:25 – 3: 45 How we don’t communicate. 3: 50 – 4: 15 How on do we manage our slips? What are some of yours? 4: 15-4:30 Questions, discussion, final thoughts
- 3. Words are very powerful. Words destroy, embarrass, spread rumors Words empower, create reality, are permanent. In a nano-second world, with a sound-bite mentality, how do we not lose sensitivity for the speed of our words? With many balls in the air, multi-tasking, cramming one more thing in – who has time to care about what my words are showing?
- 4. Who has time to care? If we are about our relationships, it is essential that we understand how to communicate as clearly as possible. We seldom give a second thought to the quality control (or lack of it) of what comes out of our mouths. Our words have consequences. In an increasingly rude society, don’t loose your filters. Let’s examine quickly how words come to be so important and what we can do to be careful with our words.
- 5. Communication Basics Communication is defined as ___________________ The negotiation of meaning… We will focus on oral interpersonal communication for this session.
- 6. Factors in Communication Basic factors in the Communication Process Speaker Channel Attitude Medium – many forms Purpose Face to face Credibility Other forms Message Listener Content Attitude Style Purpose Structure Credibility
- 7. Aristotelian Appeals When communicating, we want people to agree with us. We use appeals: Logos Logic, numbers, explanations and facts Ethos Conscience, ethics, moral, standards, values, principles Logo Heart, emotions, sympathy, passions, sentimentality. We also use both verbals and nonverbals in our appeals
- 8. Structure of Communication We structure the way we say what we say because of many things: Gender, Modeling, Cultural, Habit.
- 9. How women communicate Language Paralanguage Standard forms of English Speech pattern – letting Discuss feelings people speak in conversation Look for signs of agreement (rather than establishing forms of dominance.) Expressions are gender based. Acknowledge what other says Use mitigated directives (let’s we could) Goodwin, 1980, 1988, 1990) www.putlearningfirst.com
- 10. How men communicate Language Paralanguage Men use explicit directives to Joking physically, back get what they want. slapping. Command language. Take up more space. Jump for topic to Use space to establish topic, telling anecdotes about dominance. achievements. Non-verbals enhanced. Rarely speak of personal problems or feelings
- 11. Ways of Communicating Not only does you language and paralanguage show something about who you are and how you think, but how you engage in communication also says a great deal. Let’s examine several way of communicating and what they may, or may not say.
- 12. Ways we communicate… Here are some simple ways we do that Themes - (battle between good and evil) Repetition of words – for emphasis? Counterpoints- Contrast – blk/white, gd/bad, lgt/dark Imagery – Evoke senses, sight, taste, hearing, etc… Metaphors – a tree is a metaphor of growth. Style, tone and voice – serious, humorous, sarcastic, Analogy – Comparison of two things. Hyperbole – exaggeration/overstatement Sarcasm – Cutting, ironic remark intended to wound.
- 13. What are we showing? Hedging- uncertainty and lack of authority e.g. ‘sort of’ Super polite forms – ‘If you don’t mine please may you..’ Hypercorrect grammar and pronunciation- e.g. women avoid ‘ain’t’ or double negatives Tag questions – show that women want approval from their utterances e.g. ‘I’m coming with you, all right?’ Speaking in italics – women use exaggerated intonation or stress for emphasis, expresses uncertainty e.g. ‘I am very frustrated with you’ Empty adjectives approval- if a man uses these terms he appears more feminine as it damages his masculine prestige e.g. ‘divine, lovely, adorable, delightful and sweetie’ Use of implication- women use this because they do not feel the authority to give orders e.g. ‘it’s cold in here, isn’t it’ instead of ‘shut the window’ Special lexicon- such words are trivial and evidence of the fact that women have been allowed control over unimportant things e.g. purple of blue women would say ‘lilac’ or ‘violet’
- 14. What are you showing??? Question intonations in declarative statements- women raise the pitch of their voice at the end of statements expressing uncertainty e.g. ‘Dinner’s in half an hour?’ Sense of humor lacking- women don’t joke as much or understand jokes. Speak less frequently – men speak more often than women, proves women to be less certain of themselves. Indirect speech- ‘Wow, I’m so thirsty’ instead of asking for a drink. Avoid coarse language of expletives Apologies- ‘I’m sorry, but I think that… ’ Lankoff, The ranking of power’ in 1990,’ Language war’ in 2000, ‘What you can do with word’s’ in 1977. ‘Father knows best’ in 1993 and Taking power in 1990.
- 15. How we don’t communicate… We never seem to be at a loss for words, (though we wish we were sometimes…) but the quality of our words seems to be slipping. Rarely do we give what we say a second thought… speak without thinking, twist words, fail to follow through on a promise… Many times we engage in phrases so worn out they have lost their original meaning. http://www.franksonnenbergonline.com/
- 16. I’m sorry… Does this mean “I am sorry…” or “I am sorry but I am going to tell you what I want to tell you whether you want to hear it or not…” It is difficult to admit we have erred. Save the “I’m sorry…” for when you really mean it.
- 17. Please, Thank you This economic downturn has made all of us a bit more task-oriented, less time for courtesies, even cut throat. The more (faster) the technology, the less the manners. Why is it okay to be rude? Indifferent? Why forgo pleasantries? Is being kind below any pay grade? If you are too busy to say please, thank you, don’t be surprised if others are too busy to help you.
- 18. I promise. Trust me. Are you worthy of trust when you say “trust me” ? Trustworthiness is earned over time, saying “I promise,” or “trust me” puts your integrity on the line. Your word is your bond, can you keep a secret, keep your word, stand behind your commitment? If not, don’t say it.
- 19. I’d rather not say… Some of us avoid personal confrontation at all cost. Life if conflict, conflict is change, change is life. Relationships fail because we don’t communicate. If you fail to say what is on your mind, what are the implications? To self, others, work team? Will it percolate to the surface later in a passive aggressive strategy, conscience or unconsciously. Actions speak louder than words so your actions can confirm or contradict your words.
- 20. More than just choosing words carefully Words have two meanings – what you intend and what the listener thinks you mean. Effective communication requires sync with nonverbals and verbals. Sending mixed messages is confusing. If you don’t follow up your words with actions, don’t expect people to believe what you are saying.
- 21. Make your words count 55% of meaning of an interaction comes from facial and body language and only 38% comes form vocal inflection. That means that only 7% of an interaction comes from words. When texting or tweating, emailing or IMing, we can’t get the nuanced conversations from a phone call or face-to-face. It take more time to fix a misunderstanding, repair hurt feelings, mend a relationship.
- 22. How do we communicate? But it is more than a numbers game ---who initiates? or asks questions? or interrupts more? or talks less? (Fishman, 1980, Coates 1989, 1991) It is who speaks as though words have consequences and actively takes responsibility for what one says…so make certain that the relationships established by powerful words thrive. Tall order for Friday afternoon? Perhaps… Experts suggests some ways that we can recognize things we say so that we really are saying what we want to, instead of leaking more information, or revealing more information than we want.
- 23. How do we manage our slips? I have researched and compiled ways for us to rethink the words and phases we use so that we are accurately saying what we want to say, and not slipping or leaking additional information. Some of this is about being clear with our language, some of it is just habituated sayings, and some of it clearly is just being insensitive with our words and phrases.
- 24. Slips to Clarity Less than Ideal Choices Alternatives Black sheep Outcast Indian-giver Gift reneging. Rule of thumb Rule Let’s each pay our own way. Let’s go Dutch Friends, folks, group. You Guys Out of control Acting like wild Indians Women Girls (referring to coworkers) Police officer, mail carrier Policemen, postmen Chair, leader, member of Chairmen Congress, Representatives
- 25. Slips to Clarity Less than Ideal Choice Alternative Manhole Utility hole Manning Staffing Stewardess/Steward Flight attendant Retarded Developmentally challenged Gifted children Advanced learners Race (human) Ethnicity or nationality Uneducated Lacking a formal education The better half, the little Your wife. woman
- 26. Slips to Clarity Less than Ideal Choice Alternative “Don’t go postal on me.” No alternative Acting blonde No alternative Old people, fogies Seniors, chronologically advantaged. PMSing Assertive Anal Attending to detail Nagging Repeatedly requesting Flip chart Easel (Flip negative term for Filipinos)
- 27. Slips to Clarity Less than Ideal Choice Alternative Wheel-chair bound One who uses a wheel-chair Jew down Negotiate Half-breed, mulatto Multi-ethnic Blacklisted Banned New and improved Can not be both Very unique It is or it is not… New beginning Beginning
- 28. Ten Meaningless or Irritating English Expressions At the end of the day At this moment in time I personally With all due respect Absolutely It's a nightmare Fairly unique Shouldn't of 24/7 It's not rocket science http://www.guy- sports.com/months/jokes_english_language.htm
- 29. Conclusion We all have buzzwords that we say more than we want, or cognitively choose to use that leak other things. From the metaphors we use (battle, fight, sports, quilting), to the arguments we make, we are always saying so much that just our words. I guess that is why I love rhetoric so much --- and now you know more about me than I wanted you to….
- 30. The Take Away I have learned not to take everything so literally, and to examine the speaker (as well as the listener- er, me.) The best things about today will be if it gets us communicating. Even if people say I am a “Rita Rhetor” or pc, whatever, if it gets a conversation/ discussion started, that is good. No one can be perfect at this. Communication is a practice, and it takes effort.
- 31. What do you have to add?
- 32. Additional info… This info will be on slideshare. Please use it Please share it Please feel free to contact me: M.E . Yancosek Gamble, megamble@bethanywv.edu